Two Things I Learned from the Nutcracker

I’m a dancer. From the first time I stepped onstage at age ten during a recital, I knew I had to keep dancing despite the long hours of practice and the amount of discipline it would take. Every performance I have, I still get that fluttery feeling, that insuppressible anticipation, that rush of adrenaline that I had the first time I danced. And even though some aspects of performing can be stressful (the cramped dressing rooms, the itchy costumes, and the hair that doesn’t ever stay the way it’s supposed to), it’s all worth it. The exhaustion and stress slide off my shoulders when I step onto that stage. Anyone who loves performing can relate to what I’m saying.

But even if you don’t love performing, I think you too can relate to what I’m about to say. I want to tell you two things that I learned from one of my recent performances. A few weeks ago, I performed in a local Nutcracker production. Being a part of it is one of my sisters’ and my favorite things about the holiday. Not only does it give us an opportunity to perform, but it gives us a chance to grow friendships and to show others’ Jesus’s love. This holiday season was no different. It was SUCH a fun experience and my sisters and I haven’t stopped talking about it and about how exciting it will be next year.

                       

During this year’s Nutcracker production, God showed me two things that helped me on stage and will also help me off stage in life.

First, I learned how to let go. It sounds simple. But it was anything but simple to me as I waited backstage before I was about to perform. I had six Nutcracker shows, and for every show, the pressure and fear of making a mistake would weigh me down. It was stressful and the tension was running high.

Then I heard God tell me to let go, to let go of my expectations, my capability, my self-confidence. As soon as I came to the end of myself, took my hands off of whatever I was clinging to, and acknowledged that God had everything I was worrying about in His hands, the weight was immediately lifted off. I could breathe and be confident in God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His love. I could rely on His strength rather than my own. I could trust that He would take care of every single detail. I could walk in freedom because I was no longer in control of everything.

Once I let go and gave God everything, it was the most freeing feeling I had ever felt. And even now, when I’m not standing nervously backstage freaking out, I’m rejoicing in that same freedom. Even if I’m not burdened by performance pressures, the responsibilities, exhaustion, and expectations day to day are weights just as heavy. Just the other day, as I was on my way to dance practice at the studio, with the stress and strain of this world heavy upon me, I came to the end of myself again and said, “God, I let go.” With that simple prayer, I was released from the chains of my own expectations and I made a way for God to work in me.

Second, I learned that Jesus always stands in the fire beside me. This came from a line in Chris Tomlin’s song, “Jesus”. He stands in the fire beside me. As I recently reflected on that long week of Nutcracker, I realized that Jesus was there the whole time. He opened doors to share His love with my friends in the dressing rooms, His presence was sustaining me backstage, and His favor and love were shining upon me as I danced on that stage for Him. He was there, even when I didn’t acknowledge it. He was watching out for me and He worked out every single detail. A lot of things happened, on and off the stage, that I wouldn’t have been able to get through unless Jesus was there gently reminding me of His great love and power and favor. I was faced with many situations that involved peer pressure where I had to choose who I was going to honor. Even though it was hard at the time, God’s perfect Presence was with me and helped me make the right choices.

Now, as I ponder on the meaning of that line -He stands in the fire beside me- I am amazed. I’m amazed that He chooses to stand in the fire beside me. His love is so immeasurably great that He wouldn’t leave my side for anything. Even when I’m walking “through the fire”, through a rough season, through a difficult situation, He promises to never leave my side.

The same God wants to fight your battles. You only need to let go of yourself and let Him take over all the little details. As 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” My Nutcracker experience this year revealed the truth of this verse. When I choose to let go of everything –my anxiety, my pride, my stress- I realize how much God cares about me. I realize that He is always there standing beside me as I walk through life.

A Sunflower of the Son

     I've loved sunflowers ever since 8th grade. 

     It was the last day of school, and in middle school at Harvest, you are awarded a special character trait from your bible teacher at the end of the year, which they have thought about and prayed about all year long as they've watched you grow. But that year, my bible teacher decided to change things up a bit, as far as character traits would go, and instead of herself picking one word that she would describe each one of us as, she asked all of us 8th grade girls to choose one word to describe each other. 

     When the last day of school finally came, it was definitely a bitter sweet time for all of us, being our last award ceremony as middle school students. We all met in my bible teacher's room and she shared such sweet words of encouragement with us 8th grade girls, who were about to make the big transition into high school. Then, as she handed us each a beautifully decorated flower pot, on which was written all the kind words our classmates had thoughtfully chosen to describe us, I will never forget the special analogy my teacher shared with us about the sunflower. 

     Before I go any further, here's a little background information about this special flower that has grown quite dear to my heart over the years ~

No flower can lift someone's spirits quite like the sunflowers. They are bright and cheery, and as warm and inviting as the sweet summer sun. With brilliant yellow petals, also known as "rays", sunflowers have an unmistakable sun-like appearance that has made them a crowd favorite, especially in the summer months. Sunflowers come in a number of varieties- ranging from small to very large, from having yellow petals to red. However, there is more to sunflowers than meets to eye. While they are stunningly beautiful, they also are rich in history and meaning. 

Sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity. Much of the meaning of sunflowers stems from its namesake, the sun itself. These flowers are unique in that they have the ability to provide energy in the form of nourishment and vibrancy- attributes which mirror the sun and the energy provided by its heat and light. Sunflowers are known for being "happy" flowers, making them the perfect gift to bring joy to someone's (or your) day. 

     So going back to my story- that day in bible class, my teacher shared with us about the sunflower, encouraging us to grow to live just like it. 

     The sunflower always points to the sun (hence the name) and likewise, my teacher encouraged us to always live our lives in a way that points back to God. The sunflower stands tall above the rest, firm and secure, with roots growing deep in the dark soil it has been planted in. It withstands heat and drought, wind and rain- sometimes it may even be wilted or crushed by the circumstances around it- but with each new day that that sunflower remains alive and growing, you can always trust that it is going to point to the sun, no matter what.

     This is exactly what we are called to be, and exactly what I hope to be as a woman of God living in such a dry and weary world. It's a special metaphor that I have carried with me ever since that last day of middle school, and have allowed God to give even more meaning and significance to as time goes on.

     When I look out my window and see all the little wild sunflowers growing in my backyard (yes, I literally have sunflowers growing in my backyard!), I not only see those flowers as bright gifts of beauty and joy, but as a way of life. Every time I look out at those flowers, I am reminded of the high standard God holds me to and the great life He is calling me to live. And every day, I choose to accept that life God's made for me, and all the challenges, blessings, rewards, struggles, treasures, dangers, sorrows, adventures, joys and surprises that that life will bring. I know that I am a "sunflower of the Son", God's son, in my own way and style, and I know that I have something special of my own that He's given me to bring to this world. :)

     So, I would like to encourage you to do just the same. To live the amazing life He's calling you to live. Because God has made you to do incredible things- to show this world what a life lived with Christ really looks like!- and as my mom once told me, know that

"You are the grandest and most beautiful of flowers. 

In a landscape littered with the sameness of carnations and lilies 

and roses, you stand tall, strong, proud- unabashedly pointed directly 

at the One who gives you life. Your brightness and splendor 

bring warmth and comfort to any situation, your strength provides 

energy and life to whatever you put your hands to, 

and the seeds of your wisdom bring sustenance to those they reach. 

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are special. You are unique."

^^^This is a picture of one of the ones growing in my backyard :)