Two Things I Learned from the Nutcracker

I’m a dancer. From the first time I stepped onstage at age ten during a recital, I knew I had to keep dancing despite the long hours of practice and the amount of discipline it would take. Every performance I have, I still get that fluttery feeling, that insuppressible anticipation, that rush of adrenaline that I had the first time I danced. And even though some aspects of performing can be stressful (the cramped dressing rooms, the itchy costumes, and the hair that doesn’t ever stay the way it’s supposed to), it’s all worth it. The exhaustion and stress slide off my shoulders when I step onto that stage. Anyone who loves performing can relate to what I’m saying.

But even if you don’t love performing, I think you too can relate to what I’m about to say. I want to tell you two things that I learned from one of my recent performances. A few weeks ago, I performed in a local Nutcracker production. Being a part of it is one of my sisters’ and my favorite things about the holiday. Not only does it give us an opportunity to perform, but it gives us a chance to grow friendships and to show others’ Jesus’s love. This holiday season was no different. It was SUCH a fun experience and my sisters and I haven’t stopped talking about it and about how exciting it will be next year.

                       

During this year’s Nutcracker production, God showed me two things that helped me on stage and will also help me off stage in life.

First, I learned how to let go. It sounds simple. But it was anything but simple to me as I waited backstage before I was about to perform. I had six Nutcracker shows, and for every show, the pressure and fear of making a mistake would weigh me down. It was stressful and the tension was running high.

Then I heard God tell me to let go, to let go of my expectations, my capability, my self-confidence. As soon as I came to the end of myself, took my hands off of whatever I was clinging to, and acknowledged that God had everything I was worrying about in His hands, the weight was immediately lifted off. I could breathe and be confident in God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His love. I could rely on His strength rather than my own. I could trust that He would take care of every single detail. I could walk in freedom because I was no longer in control of everything.

Once I let go and gave God everything, it was the most freeing feeling I had ever felt. And even now, when I’m not standing nervously backstage freaking out, I’m rejoicing in that same freedom. Even if I’m not burdened by performance pressures, the responsibilities, exhaustion, and expectations day to day are weights just as heavy. Just the other day, as I was on my way to dance practice at the studio, with the stress and strain of this world heavy upon me, I came to the end of myself again and said, “God, I let go.” With that simple prayer, I was released from the chains of my own expectations and I made a way for God to work in me.

Second, I learned that Jesus always stands in the fire beside me. This came from a line in Chris Tomlin’s song, “Jesus”. He stands in the fire beside me. As I recently reflected on that long week of Nutcracker, I realized that Jesus was there the whole time. He opened doors to share His love with my friends in the dressing rooms, His presence was sustaining me backstage, and His favor and love were shining upon me as I danced on that stage for Him. He was there, even when I didn’t acknowledge it. He was watching out for me and He worked out every single detail. A lot of things happened, on and off the stage, that I wouldn’t have been able to get through unless Jesus was there gently reminding me of His great love and power and favor. I was faced with many situations that involved peer pressure where I had to choose who I was going to honor. Even though it was hard at the time, God’s perfect Presence was with me and helped me make the right choices.

Now, as I ponder on the meaning of that line -He stands in the fire beside me- I am amazed. I’m amazed that He chooses to stand in the fire beside me. His love is so immeasurably great that He wouldn’t leave my side for anything. Even when I’m walking “through the fire”, through a rough season, through a difficult situation, He promises to never leave my side.

The same God wants to fight your battles. You only need to let go of yourself and let Him take over all the little details. As 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” My Nutcracker experience this year revealed the truth of this verse. When I choose to let go of everything –my anxiety, my pride, my stress- I realize how much God cares about me. I realize that He is always there standing beside me as I walk through life.